like always i need help

It has been far too long since I have written anything at diaryland. And possibly jumping into something of such a serious matter isn’t the best way to start out again. But I need help and I have no idea how to approach my parents or family to ask for the help. I feel like a total screw up and I know that they are going to be totally disappointed in me. Disappointed that I didn’t come right out and tell them that I was in trouble and that I let it go as far as it has. But I wanted to try to deal with it myself this summer but then I got stuck footing the entire bill for everything at the trailer house.

Last November I started having trouble sleeping, and when I did sleep I didn’t want to get out of bed. I lost interest in pretty much everything. I ended up with a cold because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I went to UND student health for the cold and brought up the fact that I wasn’t feeling like myself and that when I had gone to the Dr. for my thyroid problem in the spring and asked him if something with my thyroid could be causing my lack of interest and moodiness. The Dr. asked if I was thinking about killing myself and when I said I wasn’t he passed it off as homesickness. The UND Dr. agreed that it was probably homesickness. They didn’t even refer me to the center that gives the silly little test to see if you show signs of depression because I didn’t want to kill myself.

By March this year I was going to class when I could get out of bed, going to work and then trying to sleep at night and not falling asleep until an hour before I was supposed to be in class. I stopped going to class most of the time and ended up failing all four of my classes. Of course when you have student loans that isn’t the best of things. UND paid Wells Fargo the amount of the loan back but now I owe UND, plans were to make payments over the summer and deal with it. Then Jennifer got mom and dad to okay the free storage of Shannon and her things for the summer while Jenn ran off for her Great Medora adventure. Which meant that I didn’t have the money to pay UND let alone buy food or take care of some of my other bills. Which the not paying UND meant no school this semester and now I have to start paying back my student loans to the tune of $220 a month.

I am just getting deeper and deeper into this and I can’t seem to keep my head above the surface. Jenn came home at the end of August flaunting her new wardrobe and her buckets full of money to spare and she is just throwing it around like it grows on trees. Which makes me feel like an even bigger failure and makes it even harder to call up my parents and say hey I know that you are constantly helping me out with my stupid school transferring, money problems. I know you are kind of strapped now but I am in big time need of help because I am such a major screw-up.

I thought maybe I could call my grandma and grandpa, but what would I say. "Hey papa, I am having a little bit of trouble with the school and the fact that they want a large sum of money from me like now because I kind of failed all my classes last spring."

If I can manage to get this money I can try reapplying to school and attempt to get my life back on track. Maybe even half time so I can still work more than 20 hours a week. Maybe just take classes at night and work the morning shift. I need to do something, make some change in something, obviously the no school thing is just causing more trouble than fixing the problem. It would have been nice if someone had listened to me at the school or the hospital when I asked for help because I wasn’t feeling like myself. Maybe I would still be in classes, I wouldn’t have failed an entire semester and things would have worked out a lot better.

I can hope right.

Bonkrood- on a totally less downer of a subject, my gold membership ends in a few days could you maybe move the images for my template to your account and change the code for me?