I think I'm a bad person

I was going to rejoin Columbia House and get 15 free CDs. By the time I spent 3 hours trying to decided which 15 CDs I wanted the server was down.

It probably saved me from getting into more trouble that I don't need right now.

The last few nights I have been staying up way to late considering I have a class at 9 am. But I have been chatting with a friend that means a great deal to me. We have had some pretty strange moments throughout our friendship. Talking to him tonight made me realize this and I wish it weren't so.

When there are miles upon miles between us I feel so comfortable and open with him but once we are both in the same room everything rushes in and I feel like a totally different person. One that doesn't care for him, one that is cold and mean. I don't know how to act around him, I don't want to say or do the wrong thing because I don't want to hurt him.

Maybe it is just our history. Maybe I am just a really bad person. Whatever it is I wish things could be they way they were this morning all the time.

If you do happen to read this, please don't hold it against me.

It wasn't until we said goodnight to each other moments ago that I realized how different my behavior is when we are in close proximity. I regretted the way I must have made you feel when I saw you in June and probably the time before that. Please forgive me.