lots of confusion i'm sure

The last entry of September.

I have almost had a diary at diaryland for a year now. Crazy thinking back on why I started the diary. To whine about my crazy roommates. Going back and reading the first entries while I was moving them was kind of a trip. Especially since I ended up liking both of the girls I started the diary to rant about.

True I didn't start really liking the one until she had moved out of the apartment and I didn't have to deal with her nightly emotional break downs, or verbal abusings because I was watching a movie while wrestling was on, so Robby couldn't watch WWF or WCW which ever it was he watched.

I am an adopted member of Tiffany's family. I called her mom, mom. Her grandpa became grandpa the day I met him. He is such a cool old man. I love grandpas. Her sisters are my sisters. Her niece Samatha is so precious. If I ever met her brother Brice, and his two kids. I am sure I will love them as much as I do the rest of the family. I still call her dad JDee, but I almost only see him when he is in his spiffy Deputy Sheriff's uniform so I would feel a little strange calling him dad, I feel strange not calling him officer.

I am not exactly sure where I was going tonight. I just started typing and here I am.

This last week was a rough one. I was freaking out about not having money to pay my bills. Friday night my parents called and I got in a fight with my mom on the phone. She is always yelling at me about money. I know that I don't save enough, but it is hard to save when you are making minimum wage and your expenses end up being more than you make. I don't have money to pay my bills this month, so she was yelling at me to get another job. And on and on. That is why the last entry just ended all of a sudden. I ended up crying and yelling at my mom and lost all formed thoughts that were intended to be part of that entry. I am supposed to tell my parents how much money i need and they will put it in my account.

They can't afford to do that. I know they can't. The only place they are getting extra money since Jenn and I have left for school, is what money they don't have to spend to feed us. I feel like a terrible failure having to run back to mommy and daddy, because I can't make it on my own. I can try my hardest and I still come up short.

The school up here isn't helping out much. With my job at the cafeteria I barely have time to keep up with my homework. Last week I didn't keep up with it. That was break down week. Hopefully things will get better.

Payless Shoes is hiring right down the street so tomorrow I will run down there and see if they will hire me. Maybe then I will be able to keep my bills payed on my own. I don't know how much school is going to suffer, but I would rather mess up a semester of school then end up in jail, because I can't pay bills. I am sure my credit is already ruined because of my exboyfriend and the bill he ran up on my creditcard by stealing the number. I should have just reported it as stolen, and that would have taken care of that; but rational thought doesn't seem to process in my head until way after the fact. By then it is way to late to do anything about it.

I wish his mom would have come through on her promise to make sure that I got the money he owed me back. No such thing has happened thus far. He probably told his mom he paid me and that was that. Stupid lying dick. I wish that judge would have put him in jail when he had the chance. They have actually had several chances to get him off the streets.

Why is it that because your parent(s) are outstanding citizens that jerks like him could get away with murder as long as mommy or daddy goes into the court room with them.

I think my brain is going crazy,jumping all over the place and not really finishing anything up. If you have read this far I am sorry for being such an airhead tonight. I think it might have been my dream this afternoon while I was taking a nap. Thinks here I go again...make them think you were going to shut up and just jump into another topic.

I dreamed that I was a native american, and my tribe wanted to kill me because I was going to marry a white man. That is mostly all I remember but it was so weird with all the stuff that went on this month.

Why does everyone have to hate? Why do people feel the need to teach their children to hate? You may not think you are but your kids see how you act and the way you treat other people and they learn from that. We are all people. God loves us all the same. Why can't we as a people see that?

I was watching some show or talking to someone, anyways what ever the source was it/they were talking about the 10 commandments. "Thou shalt not kill." God didn't want us to kill each other. So why are people always killing someone and saying they did it in the name of the lord, or what not.

That is what the people that hijacked those planes thought they were doing. They were doing their part in a Holy War. And by doing so, they thought they automatically had a place reserved in Heaven.

How can you believe that when you know that God didn't want us to kill each other?