jenn is gone

She is gone.

I'm alone with her silly cats.

I cried like a silly baby this morning. After work I went and got the tape with the last four hours of Dawson's Creek so she could watch them before she left this morning and we stayed up until 2 am watching that. Dear Bonkrood and her wonderful spoilerness made that much easier on both of us since we knew what was going to happen and all. I still cried, but I was glad that I got to see the end of one of my favorite high school shows. I haven't seen Buffy since it moved to the UPN which is devastating in it's own manner.

Farewell Dawson's Creek.

Jenn and I go get ready for bed, and I go back across the house to tell her that I am going to set an alarm clock so I will wake up before she leaves so I can say goodbye. For the first time since we have been in North Dakota she had a non-egocentric moment long enough to know that I was really super upset. I came up here to be part of her support network and have been shafted or given the cold shoulder 98% of the time. She has been just like one of her cats; I was only useful to her when she needed something from me.

That was about the time that people started logging into MSN and I got distracted on Monday so I never wrote anymore. Now it is 2:20 am on Friday morning. I have calmed down a bit so what I write won't be quite as dramatic as it would have been if it had been written Monday afternoon. Back to my story.

Jenn tells me that she is getting up at 5 am so that she can be on the road by 5:30. I say goodnight and tell her I will see her in a few hours. I turned to walk out of the room and she tells me to come back and tell her what is wrong with me. I burst into tears and mumble something about going to be alone. She tells me to lay down in bed with her and that she is only going to be gone for the summer and that I will have her cats. And now that she is gone I can have lots of loud parties, "just as long as there are no big orgasms in her bed."

"Okay I will make sure to post a sign on the door this will be an orgasm free zone until you come back and can have Shad and Kyle over. (Those are the two boys at work that she has little crushes on.)

"Kyle has never been in my bed."

"And Shad has? ...Oh, is he the cat that pissed on your bed this morning so you had to wash your comforter at 8 in the morning. I can't believe you slept with the kid you call McManWhore at work and you are leaving for three months so he can brag about it the whole time you are gone."

"We talked about that and he knows that I will cause him serious pain if I come home and everyone at work thinks that I am a slut."

"Okay, but why exactly did you think you had to lie to me about why you were washing your comforter?"

I didn't get an answer from her, and decided I was just going to go to bed or Jennifer wouldn't be getting any sleep before she left and she has enough trouble staying awake when she drives and the sun isn't shining.

Slept for a while alarm clock went off, got up helped her gather up the last few things she needed to throw into her back pack and said goodbye. She drove away, I cried. I thought about calling Bonkrood and talking to her, but I was so upset I was sure that I would have just ended up as an entry in her blog about some crazy person that called her at the radio station crying like a freak. So I turned on the computer and logged into MSN and talked to her until I had calmed down enough to go back to bed.

I was going to save the conversation and post part of it here but I forgot to copy and paste it before I closed the window. Oops.

So Monday afternoon I talked to Nathan, he sent me an e-greeting in all Spanish. Something about taking the time to listen to my inner voice and it telling me what the right thing to do is. I'm not so great at the whole translation thing so I make out the bits and pieces that I know and kind of guess about the rest.

We talked a little about his plans for when he gets back from Mexico. School work that kind of stuff, but his isn't for sure what. I searched Amtrak.com to see if there is a way to get from here home that way. I would have to take a train to Chicago; from Chicago I would hop a train to Denver and then ride a bus to Cheyenne. It would be a 4 or 5 day process, I think it would be faster to try to catch a bus from here to Shoshoni, WY. I really hate driving in the winter, so I am going to try avoiding that route if at all possible.

Wednesday night at work my friend Kat told me that I have to tell Nathan that he has to come up here, because she wants to meet him. I told her I would see what I could do. I really don't know what he wants to do when he gets home and when I ask, I really don't get any real responses. He does still have 7 months to think about what he is going to do when he gets home though, so it is no real rush.

I think Sarah is afraid to leave me alone with myself because I was so upset Monday morning when she called me. She has drug me off with her every night this week so far. Monday she had me come over to her house to Barbeque, we had steaks, baked potatoes and corn on the cob. Tuesday she called me while I was at work to ask me what I was doing and told me to call as soon as I got done. I left work called her while I was driving home and she told me to hurry home and change because we were going to do her laundry and play the picture hunt game, because we have to get the high score. Last night we went to the late show of Matrix Reloaded. I enjoyed the movie. Sarah couldn't stop wiggling around in her seat, because she wanted to go kick this guy in the front of the theatre in the ass, I'm sure she would have if she hadn't been sitting next to the wall. Through the whole movie he was flinging his arms around, clapping and cheering. She had made plans to jump him in the parking lot, until he stood up at the end of the show and he was a huge guy in a football jersey and leather jacket.

Tonight I had fallen asleep reading around 7 pm so I didn't answer the phone when she called around 8:30, when she called back the second time I woke up but didn't answer the phone because I wasn't sure if I just wanted to go back to bed or go out with her. She didn't leave any messages so I wasn't sure what was up. I decided to call her back so she didn't think I was ignoring her because she called both phones twice and I didn't answer. I called and she wanted me to go have a soda while Kurt, Ang and she ate dinner, then we would all go play rummy.

I went over to Minnesota decided to eat, Ang ended up putting dinner on her credit card, I felt bad because I actually had money for my dinner tonight. I think they put some form of alcohol in the Italian Sodas that Sarah and Ang had drank before I showed up because they were nuts the entire time. We annoyed the piss out of the people sitting at the table behind us. I ended up spraying Mountain Dew from my nose, I was laughing so much.

We only played one game of Rummy after dinner and then decided to run to Wal-Mart and buy the new Trivial Pursuit.

That game is freaking hard. I think I answered like 5 questions right the whole time that we were playing. I was so dumb that Sarah started asking me questions that weren't on the cards. What color are my pants? What part of your body hurts? (I did something to my arm Wednesday night and my shoulder is killing me still.) I did get the question about Kawasaki Jet Skis, (Sarah was mad about that because she knew I would know that, my dad owns a Kawasaki dealership) and a question about Tom's Diner, I knew was Susanne Vega because of Bonkrood. I got a lot of geography questions wrong. Brazil is now known for it's drug trafficking and Honduras is the South American Country known for it's birds.

The game got to the point that we couldn't stop laughing at how dumb we were that we all had to walk away from it. (I actually drove.)

And now I am sitting here typing instead of sleeping and listening to the cats chase each other back and forth down the hall. They have been shit heads since Jenn left. If I am awake and in the house they are asleep in her bedroom, if I am asleep they want to be loved and when I leave the house they are sitting at the door when I get home wanting love for like 3 minutes then they go take naps or chase each other until I try to go to bed.

I burned the crap out of my arm at work last week, when the fryer spit grease at me while I was cleaning it. It is the stage of the healing process where it itches like no other. Since that night I have been slightly accident prone at work. I cut my pinky on something in Starbucks last Saturday, I didn't even know I had done it until I saw the blood, then it hurt like a bitch. Tuesday night while I was cleaning the hot case in the Deli I smashed three of my fingers in one of the windows. I am afraid to go back to work on Saturday.

Since I am back to fix some stupid typos I decided to add the part about work where the exec. for bakery, deli and Starbucks, told me that I have a problem with anxiety. Stress yes, lately there has been a lot more stress than usual. A little more of the paranoia too, that is mainly at home though when I am alone. I check the doors a bunch of times to make sure they are locked. And the cats and hamsters making different noises tend to freak me out a bit. Nothing super serious. I just thought it was a bit on the funny side the way she said it.

"Crista, I think you might have a problem with anxiety. I used to be just like you when I had it, well I still have it, but now I take drugs."

I think it is time to run the spell checker, post this and check wellsfargo.com to see how big my pay check was and what bills I can pay this week.

Hopefully I will be back before another three weeks goes by.