crista is a crack baby

Well, here I am still staring at this screen. I made the mistake of going to sleep yesterday morning. I couldn’t get out of bed until 2:30pm. The only reason I got up was because I thought I heard the phone ring. So I got up to answer it. It was a phone on the TV ringing.

So I went and bought some groceries today. When I got home, my roommates had gone grocery shopping too. So we have 3 gallons of milk and tons of butter. I have no idea how much longer I can live like this. We are all getting along fine right now. But who is to say that in 2 days Robby and Marie aren’t gonna hate Tiffany and I. Or even worse Robby and Marie may get Tiffany to hate me again. Now that I just proved to her that I was worth having as a friend. I really don’t see that happening, but it could if that is what it came down to in order to save her 10-year friendship with Marie.

I’m kind of depressed right now. I have no idea why. It is weird; it isn’t like real depression. I am fine for 5 minutes then all of a sudden I am sad pissed at the world girl. Then I am fine again, until I am not anymore. It is weird. I don’t know what is going on. I’ve been all mushy this last week. I don’t even know what started that. I think I am just slowly going freaking insane. Wouldn’t surprise me, my stress level is like off the scale, plus this stupid cold. I don’t think I am making a bit of sense right now. I think I have been staring at my computer and my abnormal psychology book for too long. I think it might be making my brain think that I have the majority of these disorders. You know like pre-med. students that think they have all the illnesses that they learn about. I think that is what my brain is doing right now.

My fingernails are finally growing out again. Now that I do not have to fly off the inserting machine at the newspaper and getting them ripped off on the stupid conveyer belt thing. I hate my job there so much. With school and my other job I only get like 8 hours a week and at 5.15$ I am not sure it is worth it. But my job at the school really isn’t worth it either then, cuz I only get 6 hours a week at 5.15$ there. But I can’t do just one. So I am stuck with two very shity very part-time jobs.

I want a bagel, but I forgot to buy cream cheese and I don’t want to go out to the kitchen to get it. So I will go with out. I am so lazy this weekend. I haven’t done shit. If I was not asleep, I was either sitting in front of my computer or in front of the TV. We recorded 4 movies off of HBO this weekend. Eyes Wide Shut, Renaissance Man, Three Kings and Never Been Kissed. What an interesting combination?

I had this really cool pen that I stole fair and square from some girl that let me borrow it after she borrowed it and stole it. It was an awesome pen. It died on me the other day, no more ink. It saddened me. That is sad that it made me sad that a pen that wasn’t even mine ran out of ink.

I have decided that I should just stop caring what the people here think of me. I was the master of that in high school, if I hadn’t been I don’t think I would have made it through h.s. with out attempting to kill myself. I don’t know why it is different now. Why should I care that Nikki and Pat are mad at me for sleeping with my ex when I went up to see his mom and little sister. Like it was any of Pat’s fucking business who I am and am not sleeping with. If I fucking wanted him to know I would have told him.

GRRR! All the shit going on here makes me feel like I should be in h.s. again. Except this time I can’t deal with it the same way I did back then. I guess I never had to deal with being the person everyone wanted to know what was going on with. In h.s. I was nobody. Now I am the one that is supposed to hook up with that guy, but I am off sleeping with my ex, getting intimate with Nikki’s ex, and parting with these other guys. I’m not supposed to be the one everyone talks about, there isn’t supposed to be silly rumors about me flying around campus.

Um, I think I should go back to my abnormal psychology, before this gets any weirder.

Later