blah again

Everyone wants to be remembered for something right? Right now all I want is for people to remember my real name.

When Jennifer and I got ready to head up here to North Dakota for school, my parents told us that one of the boys we used to hang out with when we were younger was also going to school up here. Until a few weeks ago neither of us had seen him.

As I was walking towards the art building I saw him walking with a girl. I wasn't going to say hi and then I did but I wasn't sure that he had heard me. No big deal really. I went on to class then later told Jennifer I had finally seen Trent on campus.

End of story right? Nope, I was wrong.

Last night Jennifer was tired of sitting at home when I got home from work and wanted to go get ice cream. She is addicted to TCBY. It was five minutes to ten so by the time we got there it would be closed. She decided to go roam around Wal-Mart.

As we are getting ready to leave, here comes Trent with one of his buddies, roommates, business associates, someone. I say hi again, Jenn says hi and Trent apologizes for not saying anything the other day, it wasn't until later that he put my face with my dad's name.

We chatted for a little bit. He asked if the whole family had moved up here, told us we should invest in good winter coats within the next week and gave us his business card so we could call him.

"We will have to go out to dinner, figure things out."

At the time I wasn't sure what needed to be figured out. But as we were checking out and he walked past and said goodbye he called me Sara. He remembers Jennifer's name, but my name is Sara.

Okay it isn't the first time I have been called Sara. People just seem to think that I look like a Sara. Which is probably why it didn't really bother me until Jennifer started making such a big deal about it when we got to the car.

I've had really low-self esteem the last few weeks and Jennifer thinks that was the final straw. I've been a little depressed all day. When Jennifer went shopping she wanted to buy me something because I am always buying her things. She didn't buy me anything. I didn't want her to buy me something just because she thought that would make me feel better.

I found a really pretty necklace at Claire's that I wanted but I didn't want to ask for it. If she bought it for me I wanted her to do it just because she knew I liked it not because I asked for it. Besides she was just going to spend money that she didn't have to spend (credit card.)

The whole drive home she spent trying to convince me that I should start taking her anti-depressants because now that Johnny is gone she doesn't think that she needs them. Once we were home and I cooked our lunch (oatmeal and toast with grape jelly) she was convinced the only way to cheer me up would be to take my can of Pepsi and put the Celexa in my Pepsi.

My Pepsi was gone and just because I am a rain cloud today doesn't mean I am stupid. She got upset and gave me this huge dramatic speech about how I am the big sister and I am supposed to protect her not the other way around.

She says she knows that it is like to feel blah day in and day out. Which I know she does. But then she should also know that you can't make a person dealing with depression happier by telling a few cheesy jokes, acting like a dork and demanding that they smile.